


All Of Your Good Is Mine

by GalekhXigisi (orphan_account)



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abortion, Blood and Violence, Bullying, Discussion of Abortion, Emotional Manipulation, Forced Abortion, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Manipulation, Minor Character Death, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Trans Bucky Barnes, Trans Male Character, Trans Peter Parker, Trans Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-18 19:25:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14858789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: "I think I might be a boy," they whispered to the thunder god..Warnings: hinted at rape/non-con, detailed scene of stated rape/non-con (warning provided in chapter 2), self harm, manipulation, toxic relationship/s, blood, swearing, improper binding, self deprecating thoughts, suicide, death, suicidal thoughts, bullying, transphobic terms, hinted at homophobia, dysphoria in great detail, abortion.This fic is slowly updating, I truly am trying my best.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Steve is a trans man  
> Bucky is a trans man  
> Peter is a trans boy  
> Loki is a genderfluid god just trying to get by
> 
> Where would that put the author?  
> An indecisive prick giving out fics on AO3 for pride month!

Steve had to admit, he was beyond ecstatic to see the young child open her eyes, wide brow eyes greeting his. She smiled in interest, hands grabbing at his fingers instead of screaming out cries. 

 

After what felt like forever, but in all reality was only seventeen hours, the Avenger had given birth, his three husbands crowded around happily. He'd paused his transition in order to have her, but God knew he wasn't going to give her up. 

 

“What's her name,” Bruce smiled, motioning to Natasha so she could write it. 

 

“Piper Gwendolyn Parker,” Tony smiled.

 

“Why Parker,” Natasha frowned, pen hesitating against the paper. 

 

Bucky flashed a sad smile, “For a friend.” 

 

She only offered a soft smile as she wrote the official words down. 

 

.

 

Stephen was the first to take note of the child's odd behavior. It was the way she sat silently most of the time, offering soft hums of acknowledgment instead of speaking. She was once so vocal, but now seemed to quiver at her own voice. The girl was only a year and a half old, but nothing seemed to be wrong with her. She could walk fine, and talked when she needed. 

 

But no one really seemed to care. Piper was healthy and seemed happy enough, usually curled up to Nat’s side if she wasn't in the sight of one of her father's. She took a strong liking towards the team, not associating with anyone outside of the group unless she had to. That meant refusing to even look at some of the caretakers they had tried to hire for when they were on missions and couldn't stay. 

 

Bucky could distinctly remember the day a maid had called in an act of desperation to get her to stop crying. She saw her father's face in the small screen and immediately fell silent, listening to her father ramble on about whatever he could until she had fallen asleep. 

 

.

 

At age three, she stopped responding to the name Piper, not looking at anyone who addressed her as such. It went on for months, three to be exact, before she gently tapped Tony's leg while he was in an interview and made him lean down. She whispered softly into his ear, “I like the name Peter better,” before going back to playing with her hands as she waited. 

 

From that day on, the word Piper seemed dead to the girl. She would cry when someone called her Piper, bursting into sobs if it was even mentioned. Steve could remember the one time he'd slipped up and ended with her clinging to Natasha for hours over the event. He'd never felt so bad while parenting in his life. 

 

.

 

The third week of school, the four piled into the preschool’s office. Sure, Peter had insisted she go to normal school, but none of them intended to be called in so soon, their sleeping daughter held in Tony’s arms. 

 

The teacher frowned at seeing them all. “We've noticed a few… difficulties from her.” She bit her lip as she attempted to process a way to say it without sounding harsh or getting the backfire of their words. “Peter seems to be antisocial, completely. She won't speak with the staff nor students. We're all worried for her.” 

 

Stephen gave a gentle nod. “Is there anything we'd be able to do?” 

 

“I'm not sure, honestly. We could switch her to the morning class and see if she can find anyone she’ll get along with. Aside from that, there's really nothing. Our legal system only lets us go so far to help her.” 

 

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat as he gave a nod, the others following. 

 

They were dismissed, the five leaving in silence. It all seemed peaceful, Tony helping Stephen buckle her into the car seat, Bucky sitting with Steve in the back, their words unspoken. But it burnt in the air, the feeling of failure with her. They would have fully accepted her if she were mute, but that didn't seem to be the case, considering how many times she'd whisper with Clint and give him flowers (where she'd gotten them from the tower was beyond them all) as tokens of thanks for not telling anyone what she said was calming. 

 

Their ride stayed silent until she started screaming, waking up so suddenly that they'd all jumped, Strange almost crashing from her. Peter looked so terrified as she searched around her. 

 

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” she repeated, the ‘s’s turned into sloppy, slurred ‘th's from her from teeth falling out after an accident not a full month ago. “Make it go away,I don't wanna be bitten. Daddy, make it go away,” Peter sobbed. Bucky quickly unbuckled her, pulling her into his arms as they neared the end of their ride. 

 

Her sobs and pleas filled their minds, gripping at his shirt in protest. She seemed terrified of being pulled away from them. Her life seemed to depend on the men in front of her. 

 

.

 

She wouldn't speak with them about it, resorting to now whispering to Thor instead of Clint, who had been away with his family during the week. 

 

_ ‘I had a dream a spider bit me, _ ’ she had whispered, ‘ _ It was all glowy and big. I didn't sound like a kid then. I looked like a boy. _ ’ Her smile didn't match the sad tone she sported, like she would have rather’ve been left with the spider bite as a male than return to the current time. ‘ _ It made my body all tingly and hurt. But i- _ ’ she stopped, pulling away. Her emotions betrayed her as she looked at anything but Thor. Her mood had flopped from a saddening happy to a depressed and repressed version of terror. 

 

Thor scooped her into his arms. “It is alright, dear Peter. You are a warrior. We all get upset and hurt sometimes.”

 

She nodded, clearing her throat before speaking quietly, ‘ _ I saw them fighting with people. A lot of people. _ ’ 

 

.

 

Thor couldn't get another answer out of Peter, but she seemed alright. He did frown at the fact he did, indeed, have to report this to the four men, though. 

 

“Despite being so young, she has an amazing talent for grammar and wording.” 

 

Bucky could tell he'd started with the happier news. 

 

“But… she did saw she saw, and I quote, ‘ _ them fighting with people. A lot of people.’ _ Now, I am not sure what she means, but I do hope we can find out so we may prevent this.” 

 

They all seemed uncomfortable with those words. 

 

Stephen turned his hand at the words, fingers ticking against the sofa arm. “I don't believe she can get any of my magic, considering I was taught it all only months prior to meeting the team.” He pursed his lips. “I'm not sure if it's just a thought or a vision.” 

 

At that moment, no one could tell.

 

.

 

The next two years had been uneventful, aside from Peter earning a new friend named Ned. If he wasn't at the tower with her, she was at his house, smiling happily. She was social with him, talkative. But outside of speaking with him, which even that was rather withdrawn, her words didn't go past him, refined and whispered. 

 

But everyone was taken by surprise when the seven year old, for the first time in months, pulled on Thor’s hand to whisper softly in his ear during one of their dinners to whisper, ‘ _ I think I'm a boy, Mister Thor. _ ’ 

 

He quirked his lips, offering a smile as he leaned in to whisper back, ‘ _ I think I might be a boy, too. Would you like me to tell your dads so they can help with this? _ ’

 

‘ _ Later. Please? _ ’

 

He smiled and nodded before saying a soft, “Of course young warrior.” 

 

.

 

Hours later, the four fathers sat with the thunder God, beaming at them. “You four have an amazing son. He truly takes after Steve, I'd say.” 

 

Bucky choked on his coffee, forcing himself to turn and lean into the garbage can to keep from getting coffee on the floor. Tony barked out a laugh at that. 

 

.

 

When Peter was nine, he met Loki. Loki, Thor’s younger brother. Younger, adopted brother. He was still a god of mischief, an actually  _ God _ , and Peter couldn't change his mind that Loki was just as good as Thor. 

 

When the giant  _ “black worm thingies _ ” came out, Peter fled to his room, awaiting it to stop. Truthfully, he wasn't scared at all. He was actually sort of excited to finally learn what his little family did in their spare time. 

 

Hours crept their way into his boredom. After no word from anyone, he sighed and walked out, lurking for a snack. 

 

He was beyond surprised to see the taller man in green in front of him, eyes wide. 

 

“You're pretty, mister,” he spoke quietly. 

 

The man jumped, turning around. “How did you get in here,” he immediately yelled. 

 

Peter wouldn't deny the harsh flinch. He'd rarely gotten yelled at, even when he did things wrong. He'd normally just been told to go to his room or he would be lightly fussed at by Nat. 

 

“I live here. Do you know if we have any Lucky Charms left? I'm hungry.” He turned away, ignoring the stressed God's words behind him, crawling up the cabinet in search of food. 

 

.

 

“Why are you hurting Earth,” the child spoke. He seemed to be on good terms with the God. “I thought you liked people?”

 

“I do, but there is a certain thing I need before I am allowed to leave, of a man will hurt me. His name is Thanos, but, please, never use the word unless you have to.” 

 

The child leaned against him, taking a bite of his Lucky Charms before offering Loki a bite, who kindly refused. 

 

“Why don't you tell them that? They might help you?” 

 

“I don't think your fathers would take kindly to that. He's also the strongest man in the universe.” 

 

Peter nodded. “That doesn't sound okay. Do you need to cry it out? Its okay to cry about things. My Daddies do it all the time when they're sad.” 

 

Loki had never been so happy to speak to a child in his life.

 

.

 

When Bruce had broke into the tower as the Hulk a d came after Loki, Peter silently watched at a distance. When he saw the God getting slapped around by the Hulk, he ran out, helping save him from the final blow. 

 

“Please don't hurt him, Mister Hulk,” he sobbed, lowering himself down to hug his near unconscious body. “He's good! I promise, he's really good!” 

 

The Hulk hesitated before finally calling Tony, who was less than happy to hear of the situation. 

 

.

 

Peter had refused to leave Loki’s side, screaming and crying if he was pulled away. He wanted to make sure the God was safe. Nothing would make him happier than to know that his friend was well and safe. 

 

.

 

Peter wasn't surprised when the team told the newly ten year old he would be living with some friends for awhile, until all the fighting brewed down. He had just nodded, accepting the answer from them. 

 

On the bright side, he was now only a few houses down from Ned and school, rather than a whole hour and a half that resulted in one parent typically watching him for the weekdays, switching out, then going home on the weekends to see everyone. 

 

He was also on hormone blockers, which was its own odd experience, but he hated speaking of it. 

 

.

 

Peter was practically ecstatic when he'd come home from his first day of sixth grade, smiling at the people who'd invited him to their home. Aunt May and Uncle Ben, as he called them. He only saw his real parents once a month, but aside from that, everything was mellow in their life.

 

“There's this boy who talked to me,” he spoke, “His name's Flash and he said I'm pretty!” 

 

Aunt May laughed at that, smiling widely when she heard. 

.

 

Peter began T when he was thirteen, which marked the third year he'd been dating Flash. He was part of the loser group, they both were, so there was nothing to worry about. They could date and not be harassed, as long as they didn't go public about it completely. They were already an item, but no one actually thought they'd be together, so they kept it low. 

 

It was all fine until Peter upped his dosage of T and Flash found out. He could tell by Peter eating more, playing with his hair more as a distraction, and even the small bits of stumble that began to grow (before Flash had any, much to Peter's excitement). 

 

Flash had offered to… ease Peter into other… things. 

 

And Peter, with his naive mind, let Flash do as he pleased with his body, ignoring any emotions that came after. As long as Flash was happy, Peter could accept it. 

 

.

 

Things got toxic between them, going from a happily going relationship to Flash leaving his claim on Peter anywhere he could that wouldn't raise suspicion. 

 

“ _ If you love me and you're truly my boyfriend, you'll do this. _ ” 

 

Peter had frowned, slowly running the blade across his wrist, watching the smile from his significant other. 

 

.

 

“What's wrong, Penis Parker,” Flash taunted. 

 

“I'm moving back in with my dads for a while,” he supplied, watching Flash raise his voice at him. The thirteen year old silently took the words, ignoring the tears that came with them. Flash didn't move to help him in any way. 

 

Peter silently accepted the fist that collided with his cheek not a full moment later. He watched himself get beat up by someone he loved. He watched his own heart shatter. He watched Flash kick him so hard he honestly suspected he'd broken multiple things. 

 

.

 

When Happy asked about why he was all blood, the teen had grumbled, “I'm no longer allowed on the train. I got beat up by some dude trying to jump me.” 

 

It was deemed alright by him. 

 

.

 

The excuse was deemed true by the team. 

 

“Jesus, Pete, what happened,” Bucky supplied. 

 

“I got mugged on the southern train on my way home from school.” 

 

Bucky immediately went to get ice for him, taking note of the boy's squirming and discomfort at any touch. 

 

.

 

“How many things are broken or fractured in any way, Bruce,” Tony asked. 

 

The man frowned, looking at his body model of Peter. “Whoever did this was pissed.” 

 

“Bruce that didn't answer my question.”

 

“A lot of things. His pelvis is practically shattered on the left side, his femur is broken on the right, almost all of his ribs are cracked or bruised in some sort of way. Jesus, Tony. This is going to take hours of surgery. Looks like you'll have to call off your trip to the zoo this weekend. I'm honestly surprised he isn't screaming. This is the equivalent of birth at this point.” 

 

Tony gave a harsh nod. 

 

.

 

Peter was a lot loopy for the next month, medication strong enough that he could practically tranquilize an elephant. But no words came from him about it. Everyone made sure to monitor Peter, the words of his self harm spreading like a wildfire. 

 

Steve had asked about it, only getting the response of, “It’s not your fault, Dad. No one here made me do it. It was my own decision. Please don't hurt me?” 

 

He made sure to keep Peters medicine regulated.

 

.

 

His freshman year was purely homeschooling and physical therapy. He didn't mind it. Ned still came over almost daily, since they'd all moved closer to Queens. And Peter visited May and Ben during most school hours, before they went to work. 

 

.

 

It came as a shock to them all when the news announced, “ _ Local man dies from getting struck by a car. The only details the police have supplied are his name is Ben Parker. More news about this at Six. _ ”

 

If he were honest with himself, Peter wasn't surprised when he'd gotten home from his second day of sophomore year to find his second family all dead. Uncle Ben, hit by a car. Aunt May, suicide. He could only call Doctor Strange and beg him to pick him up. 

 

.

 

Peter honestly didn't know how to react to a school trip for the decathlon team to Stark Industries/Stark Tower. If he were honest, he was less than thrilled. After living there for years, what the Hell was the point in going? It wasn't exciting to him. Ned could agree, he'd been there hundreds of times as well. 

 

Flash, however, never seemed happier at hearing that. 

 

If Peter were honest, he'd never actually told anyone aside from Ned and MJ who his dads were. No one ever really asked. If it didn't come up for them, it didn't matter. 

 

None of the three needed badges to get in like the rest of the class. Their faces were known. MJ, who had already been to the home hundreds of times from school projects to just being his friend. Ned, who was friends with everyone in the tower. And Peter, son of the towers owner. 

 

Peter shimmied aside from Happy, offering a smile, who only tipped his hat and hummed in acknowledgment. 

 

“Why don't they need passes,” Flash called with a frown. 

 

No one could deny seeing Peter flinch at his raised voice. It was harsh and sudden. 

 

Wanda walked into the room, smiling at the small team. 

 

“Hello everyo-”

 

“Why don't they need passes,” Flash repeated, now directed at Wanda instead of Happy and the three friends.

 

Her brows furrowed. “Why don't who need passes?...” 

 

He pointed at the three. 

 

Wanda’s face lit up. “Peter, Ned, MJ! I didn't know you three were on the team?” 

 

Ned smiled at her, nodding. “Yeah.” 

 

“Alright, now, on with the tour! I'm your guide, Wanda, or commonly known as the Scarlett Witch! Happy to have you all here!” She clasped her hands together and began walking, Happy bringing up the rear. 

 

.

 

Peter was happy to be in the lab once again, Bruce working with music playing in the background. It always amazed Peter how much he switched genres. One song was classical woodwinds, the next heavy metal, then Josh Groban. 

 

He looked at the animals being tested. 

 

“Hey, Wanda, when did we get in the radioactive spider? This wasn't here last week?” Ned called. 

 

She turned towards him. “Oh, that was just after you came over. We got them Sunday night.” 

 

He nodded, moving along with the rest of the group. 

 

Peter stared at it, frowning. He could have sworn there had been two that morning, before he left. 

 

The harsh bite on his hand was a rude awakening, actually. He frowned, immediately feeling like his body was on fire. He ignored it, pulling the spider away and quickly stuffing it into the container. Peter ran after the group a moment after, wiping the blood off his hand. 

 

.

 

The ninth floor was the last of the tour. The commons, as MJ had dubbed it. There sat some of the team. They all seemed content with what was going on. Tony and Bucky were talking to… was that T’Challa? The three were talking about upgrades to Bucky’s metal arm. Natasha and Clint were arguing over who got the TV, while Thor and Sam watched in silence. Steve was asleep on Stephen’s shoulder, the one still conscious reading a magazine. The rest of the team were most likely training, aside from Vision, who was… was he eating? Actual food? 

 

Peter ran to the kitchen part, greeting Vision with a wave as he pulled down some napkins, getting them wet. He placed them on his hand, which now had blood dripping down the side of it. 

 

“Peter,” Natasha called, “who should get the remote? Clint or me?” 

 

“What are you watching,” he called back. 

 

“I voted Supernatural and he wants Desperate Housewives.” 

 

“What are Thor and Sam’s pick?” 

 

Thor perked up at his name. “I am not familiar with your Television Channels. Nor the shows they are speaking of. But Supernatural does sound better.”

 

“Supernatural it is,” Sam called. 

 

Tony's groan was clear across the room. “Really, Sam? Why are you supporting them, Pete?”

 

“Sorry, Dad,” he laughed, wiping the blood off his arm.

 

Everyone aside from those who had been to the tower frowned at the word  _ dad _ . 

 

Liz smiled, laughing softly, “You mean Iron Man is your dad?”

 

“And Steve, Stephen, and I,” Bucky called, holding up an arm to show off the golden ring. The other two did the same, Stephen's other arm going to pull up Steve’s. 

 

No one really seemed to question it, but Flash looked like he was going through millions of emotions at once. 

 

Wanda offered to finish the tour, leaving Peter, Ned, and MJ to the commons. 

 

“Why’re you bleeding,” Doctor Strange asked, not looking up from his magazine. 

 

Peter inhaled harshly. “Well, funny story, actually. I sort of, and excuse my language, fucked up really bad.” 

 

As if on cue, the young boy fell to the floor, just barely caught by Vision on time. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: dysphoria, rape (there's a warning, you do not need to read it, just know that it happened. The true contents are not actually needed for the plot), very emotional scenes for characters, abortion, (sort of) forced abortion, and slight fighting, along with swearing

_ “What's wrong, little one?” _

 

_ Peter looked up at the tall man, purple skin clashing with his peach.  _

 

_ “Are you lost? Where's your mother?”  _

 

_ There's a silence that fills the whole of it all. By all, Peter meant the nothingness that filled behind him. He was empty, whether it be soul or just himself.  _

 

_ “You remind me of my daughters. Here, come with me.”  _

 

_ The man offered his hand, and Peter pressed his hand to the olders. They walked in silence, the pavilion bloodied. _

 

_ “What's your name?” _

 

_ “Piper,” he whispered, looking glum at hearing it leave his own mouth. _

 

_ “Your  _ **_name_ ** _ , Little one,” he repeated.  _

 

_ “It's Peter,” he spoke, more confidence in his words. _

 

_ The taller smiled, offering out a blade.  _

 

_ “It was my daughter's, before she left me. Thank you, young Peter.” _

 

Peter felt his body thrust forward, gasping for air as tears fell down his face. A dual sided blade rested in his hand. 

 

Everything seemed odd to him. His own physical touch made him uncomfortable, made him whine. Peter couldn't stand himself at the moment. His own existence disgusted him. 

 

It made him… sad? His body didn't seem correct. 

 

When he looked down, it was clear why. There they sat, large and round, breasts that would typically make any woman jealous, his hips the same. He sort of stared, watching tears dribble down his cheeks from the side mirror of the lab. 

 

He stood, trailing outside of the room with a sad look. He wiped his eyes, ignoring the feeling of the hoodie and pajama pants touching his body. It all felt  _ wrong _ .

 

There was moment that took everyone to register what they were seeing. Peter, leaning against the wall, hand pressed tightly to his now larger chest, a look of sadness on him. 

 

He didn't have to look at them long before Steve and Bucky were around him, offering a hug to their son as he let out pained sobs. 

 

.

 

He didn't like binding. 

 

In fact, Peter hated binding. He missed his thin, stick figure that didn't reveal any chest or hip. Instead, he could sleep on his side without worrying about pains later on. 

 

Testosterone quickly proved to not work anymore when he awoke to blood dribbling down his legs and a desperate plea to Black Widow to help him. She had opened the door and frowned at seeing the sobbing teenager, blood staining his crotch as he choked out sobs to explain that,  _ Holy shit, this isn't okay, Nat. Please, I don't want to get Steve. I don't want him upset or- _

 

She gave a nod. “It's alright, Pete. Go get a shower, okay? I'll get you what you need.” 

 

.

 

Peter decided while he was showering that he cried too much. And he got upset too much by little things. He pushed himself forward, away from the wall. 

 

Peter wasn't expecting to slip. Nor was he expecting the desperate grasp at nothing to actually save him. 

 

The first thing he deduced was, ‘ _ Dear Lord, my wrist hurts. _ ’ The second was a rather panicked, ‘ _ Oh my Lord, is that a spider web coming out of my arm? _ ’

 

He stared at the webbing, leaning up to examine it. It felt natural to see it, to him in some way. A way that made him frown at the thought. It shouldn't have felt so okay? 

 

.{ _ warning, detailed rape scene. Please skip to the “•••” if this triggers you. You only need to know it happened, reading it fully does  _ **_not_ ** _ factor into the plot harshly _ }

 

Peter always hated being alone with Flash. 

 

Especially after their fight.

 

Especially in school. 

 

Especially while in the bathrooms. 

 

Especially while naked. 

 

Especially while he was running his hands up and down Peter’s body, whispering about how he was his, “ _ Baby Girl, _ ” and “ _ Sweet Princess. _ ” 

 

He choked out sobs at the taunts, Flash’s member thrusting in and out of Peter quickly, rough. He ran a hand down Peter’s thick folds, playing at the sensitive pieces there. He laughed at Peter’s soft cries. 

 

“I missed this, Pipes,” he whispered into Peter’s ear, “The way you'd let me go down on you while you cried and begged for me to stop. The way I'd cup my hand over your mouth to cover up your screams.” 

 

Harsh thrusts followed his words, stinging just as much as each feminine remark to the shorter boy. His hand moved from Peter’s clit to his breasts, harshly cupping. He knew he was bruised without even looking at them. 

 

“You could have been my Princess, Piper,” he whispered, licking at the shell of Peter's ear before moving to his shoulder and harshly biting. 

 

Peter phased out after that, hands over his ears as Flash continued on.

 

  * **••**



 

Peter sat in silence at the dinner table, staring at his food, which now sat cold while the others ate. He'd been sitting there for almost a full twenty minutes, practically on his own planet now. 

 

A silence filled the air around him. 

 

Maybe he should have fought back? Or at least have tries to get away from Flash? Not only was it account on non consensual rape, but Peter was underage, only fifteen while Flash was newly sixteen. 

 

“Hey, Pete, is there anything wrong?” 

 

He flashed his vision up to Loki, who was new to the team. He was new to being an Avenger, completely. 

 

Peter couldn't offer a smile, like normal. All he could do was go back to looking at his plate with a sad silence surrounding them. 

 

.

 

The surprise of everything came to Peter in full forced five weeks later, the young male vomiting harshly into the toilet, heaving out nothing after an hour of sitting there. Thirty minutes later, he sat on the side of the tub, waiting for the test to answer. 

 

||

 

.

 

“Bruce, do you… do you have any safe medication to… get an abortion?” 

 

The man looked up with a frown, pausing his work. 

 

“I… do, why?” 

 

“Liz. She doesn't want to tell her parents, and things got frisky with her boyfriend. They don't want to go public about it.” 

 

Bruce nodded lightly. “What stage is she at?”

 

“Six weeks since they did it, maybe five? I don't remember what she said.” 

 

“I'll get it for you, but she'll need to be alone for forty eight hours, at least. There will be a lot of blood and pain, but she should be good afterwards.” 

 

“That should be fine. I'll have to stay the night with Ned this weekend instead of her, though.” 

 

.

 

Peter popped the pill into his mouth, laying down beside Ned on the bed. MJ sat on the floor with a comic book held in her hands. 

 

“So… you'll bleed? And you may cry? And you may vomit? And it might be like off hand birth?” 

 

“Yep,” Peter said to MJ. She gave a grave nod at that. 

 

Ned’s brows furrowed as he murmured, “Man, that new hormone treatment sounds harsh?” 

 

“I have to go through female puberty before I can get Top surgery,” he helplessly muttered. 

 

.

 

It took ten minutes before Peter had his body wrapped around a pillow and felt like he was going to vomit. He had made sure the only thing he'd only drank enough water to keep him alive. 

 

MJ pressed a heating pad to his back, gently slipping it under his hoodie. Ned did the same for his stomach, each attempting to make their friend as comfortable as possible. 

 

The only thing the three really knew for sure was that this was going to be one longass weekend. 

 

.

 

Peter cried while holding MJ’s hand, pain coursing through his body. He felt so terrible, the mentality of it all crashing down on him. 

 

_ I could have had a child and I killed them. I could have been an amazing Dad if I really tried. Maybe then I wouldn't have to deal with Flash? He'd realize he actually didn't need to do those things to me? We could be a small little family?  _

 

Tears fell harder than they had since Peter thought Loki was going to be beheaded by the Hulk. 

 

“I fucked up,” he whispered. 

 

.

 

The young spiderling couldn't take it anymore. He needed to get out, to leave the house, something. His body ached, sure, but he just needed to leave. 

 

“If I tell you guys something, it woke change how you feel, correct?” 

 

Ned was the first to react, nodding solemnly at the words. Michelle followed. 

 

“Okay, I sort of did something? After that killer spider bite?” 

 

“Is all that pain medicine making you loopy,” Ned asked suddenly. 

 

“Ned, listen! So, basically, I can do this…” 

 

He pointed one hand at the other, spraying a small bit of the white into his palm. His face turned red the second he realized how sexual it all looked. 

 

“Do you lay eggs,” was the first thing to leave Ned's mouth. 

 

Peter’s face twisted into something between disgust, questioning, and confusion. “What? Ned, no! I haven't waited to see! Gross.” 

 

.

 

His homemade suit proved to be working. Tony’s lab proved to be amazing for that sort of thing, making bullshit suits, even if they aren't made to actually last like his father’s.

 

He knew his way around Queens. After traveling around it with May for so long, as well as Flash’s forced antics. If he were honest, Peter hadn't, in any way, regretted the first two years of their relationship. It had been peaceful and loving, actually. But once it got to the third year, Flash had changed. A lot. He seemed to hate Peter, hate his existence, hate everything Peter did. He would laugh at the younger, call him names, do as he pleased with Peter. Even if he had begged him not to. 

 

He feels tempted to scream. 

 

Scream at the world for being so unfair about everything. 

 

Scream at it for letting everything that happened just happen. 

 

But he doesn't. 

 

Instead, he listens for a police scanner. 

 

“ _ Bombing threats at 2-12, we need all hands there, now. _ ”

 

Peter doesn't hesitate. He swings into action, quite literally. He presses his way onward, going to help however he can. 

 

The first thing he notices was the large bank. 

 

The second was the fact that,  _ Holy shit, what is going on? _

 

He swung in, staring at the man with a gun in his hand. He had his back turned, earning an easy walk on the ceiling for the spiderling. He held a finger to his mouth, signalling at those below him not to say a word. 

 

He positioned himself above the screaming man, a small detonator looking button in his left hand, a gun in the right. 

“I-If you don't give me the money, I'll,I'll do it! Give me all your money, now!” 

 

Peter stared down, slowly lowering himself just a small bit, enough to see. 

 

_ Toy gun. _

 

_ Badly thrown together, fake, cartoon looking button. _

 

_ Easy. _

 

Peter slung a thin line a web from each hand, jerking away the obvious fakes. 

 

“Seriously?” was all he said before jumping down to quickly tie up the man with webbing. 

 

“What's your name, Mister,” a small kid asked, pulling softly on Peter’s suit. 

 

Peter leaned down, crouching. “Name’s Spi- Sorry! Gotta go, Kid! Stay safe.” 

 

He hopped off the second he heard sirens, running for it. He didn't need the law on his ass, especially considering that that mean one of his dads might’ve been there as well. 

 

.

 

The news quickly reported the works of the new hero on TV within half an hour.

 

“ _ Should Iron Man make way for a new hero in town? Spider-man, the newest hero in town seemed to steal the show tonight, helping defuse the situation of a fake bombing situation. Will he be the new savior of Queens or is he just a fad? More news on our local hero at six! _ ”

 

“We let you go out for ten minutes and you're already famous,” MJ scowled. 

 

Peter shrugged. “What can I saw? D-list heroes are dumb.”

 

.

 

The second mission only a day later didn't end as well as the first had. Instead of it being fake like earlier, there was an actual bomb. This time, only a couple buildings over it. 

 

Peter tried his best to defuse it, but once it got to ten, the only thing he could do was wrap it in webbing and hold it to his chest to keep it from killing the people around him, which happened to be a lot of people. 

 

To say the least, both MJ and Ned were pissed when he got back. 

 

Down went a lot of pain medicine. 

 

.

 

Peter kept up his double life for a good month before Tony stepped in. 

 

“So, Mister Parker,” he trailed on. 

 

“Did I do something? I put the milk up this morning, it wasn't me, I promise. Maybe Thor, he does that a lot.”

 

“What? No? Kid, calm down. I wanted to talk about your new double life. Jesus.”

 

Peter’s brows furrowed. “I don't… know what you mean.” 

 

He scoffed. “Alright, Pete. I've seen you sneak off as Spider-man. You're the new hero, damnit. It's sort of impossible not to see one of your adventures on TV.” 

 

His son frowned, feeling tears begin to form in his eyes. He didn't want his father to yell at him, not over this. 

 

“You'll need a new suit, alright? We can work on it together. I'll have to tell Bruce, though.” 

 

“Who all knows?” 

 

“Just me.” 

 

“Please don't tell anyone else,” Peter rushed out. 

 

Tony turned, brows furrowed. “Why not?” 

 

He hesitated before shrugging harshly. 

 

“I don't want anyone worrying about me.”

 

.

 

Peter stood silently beside T’Challa, masked pulled down, a natural silencer. 

 

Why had they all needed to fight? 

 

The stupid fucking paper, tearing the damn home apart more than it already was. 

 

Stephen moved into a whole different version of the universe to monitor the Time Stone with one of the other wizards. So there went one of his fathers. 

 

Now, he stood face to face with Steve and Bucky, each ready to fight tooth and claw in order not to sign the paper. 

 

If he were honest with the team, Peter didn't want them to fight. He didn't mind the paper, he wasn't technically an Avenger. It didn't apply to him unless he lived in the tower with the whole world's knowledge. Peter didn't technically have any say on it, anyways. He was only fifteen. 

 

But he needed to even out the family. He couldn't stand knowing someone had gotten hurt when it could have been alright. His job was to simply monitor and sedate. Nothing more. He didn't plan on hurting anyone. 

 

.

 

His plans failed the moment he saw Steve toss the cargo hold at him. He could easily tell he'd already messes up his wrists in some way by the loud cracking of them, but that didn't stop him from keeping the fight up. 

 

Of course, he didn't expect to almost be trampled on not a full ten minutes later, immediately making him fall to the ground. 

 

Peter didn't even attempt to get up, just laying there and letting the world spin while he regained his hearing. He offered Tony a thumbs up as a way to show he wasn't dead. 

 

.

 

“How’re you holding up?” 

 

Peter looked at Ned, sighing quietly. He took solace in his friends room. He'd been crashing at Ned’s and MJ’s since the fight. He would have gone with Loki to his house just outside of Queens that he shared with Thor and their wife (he could not remember her name if his life depended on it), but after the two and Bruce had disappeared, Peter hadn't been able to contact them. 

 

“Right,” Ned murmured, sitting gently on the bed. “MJ should be coming over soon. We can marathon Star Wars?” 

 

Peter leaned up and pressed his head to Ned's chest, hugging him tightly as he began to sob. 

 

.

 

Peter made the conclusion he had to switch back and forth between which parent he stayed with on the weekends. He knew he missed Steve and Bucky terribly, but with the two under ‘retirement’, there was nothing he could do. He could truly only live with what little of the broken team was left. 

 

He missed everyone. 

 

He  _ really _ missed everyone. 

 

He watched tears dribble down his cheeks as he stared at the old pictures. The picture book from years ago, years before even he was thought of. He smiled at the ones of their wedding, his fathers all smiling at the altar. He laughed at the wedding gown Tony had insisted to wear. It was to ease Steve and Bucky’s dysphoria. But everyone seemed happy with the arrangement. He smiled at the ones of Steve during his pregnancy, and the passively adorable morning photos that seemed to reflect a lot of the man his father was. He looked at the pictures of himself, a kid, small, feminine, petite. He couldn't show any emotion during those. He didn't want to, considering Stephen refused to let him bind now, after seeing the labored breathing of almost twenty four hours in a binder. He regretted falling asleep in a binder. 

 

He slammed the book closed, placing it with the other sets left in the box. 

 

Peter stood up, pacing around his room, frowning deeply. How had two years suddenly made him have such a deep fallthrough? Sure, there was a lot he could have prevented if he knew how to, but he hadn't. He didn't. He physically couldn't. But it didn't stop him from wanting to. Especially with his current knowledge of what the Hell was going on. 

 

He went off to find his father, immediately remembering just how much of a journey it was to cross through this realm of a place. 

 

“Hey, Dad, where are you at,” he yelled, looking around quickly. 

 

“Third floor library,” he heard his father call. 

 

Peter groaned but began his walk down. 

 

.

 

He resorted to swinging down, instead of just walking. 

 

“I have something to tell you,” he huffed out, standing in front of the wizard with reddened cheeks. “You know that hero, Spider-man? The one dude that shoots webs?” 

 

“Yes, I know of him,” Stephen said, calmly turning the page in his book, “Are you two a couple? He seems like a nice man, but he also seems older and resigned. If you are, just don't get yourself hurt.”

 

“Wh-what? No! That's not what I'm saying! Ik here to tell you  _ I'm _ Spiderman.” 

 

Only then did Stephen look up from his book. “ _ What _ ?”

 

“Y-yeah.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “That spider bite, it made me, um, Spiderman. Tony, Ned, MJ, and you know.” 

 

“So, let me get this straight, you  _ fought _ with Tony, which means that you fought your own fathers as well.” 

 

Peter's expression changed to something similar to a kicked puppy. He hated when anyone brought up the  _ Civil War, _ as he'd dubbed it. “I didn't really fight them- I just-ust made sure no one really-re-really hurt anyone! I couldn't… I couldn't make it to save Rhodey, though… I should have tried, but I had stayed to-t-t-to help Mist-” he was cut off by his own sobs. 

 

This was the first time Peter had actually spoken about the little  _ War _ between them. He hated it. He actually, genuinely hated it. It had separated his family. He hadn't seen Steve or Bucky in months. 

 

Stephen stood, pulling his son into a hug, “It’s alright, Pete. You don't have to worry about it. It's not your fault.” 

 

Peter broke down into loud sobs, gripping at his father's shirt. 

 

.

 

_ “It's alright, little one. Sometimes, people don't make it. The ones that do, typically thrive.”  _

 

_ Peter didn't look up from his shoes as he sat in the throne like seat, seated next to the taller man, who took refuge in a true throne.  _

 

_ “What if they're too sad? Because they're mourning? They won't thrive.” He looked over at his, brows furrowing. _

 

_ “Then they will watch the others thrive while he is left behind in their remains.” he said simply.  _

 

_ “Mister?”  _

 

_ “Yes, Little One?”  _

 

_ “What’s your name?”  _

 

_ “You will learn it soon enough. Please, just make sure to keep the knife I have you with you. I won't hurt you if you do.”  _

 

.

 

Peter woke up with the feeling of emptiness. It had become so common, but something about this made his chest hurt and tears gather in his eyes at the thought of it.

 

“Hey, Peter, happy Friday. Are you staying with Tony this weekend?” 

 

Peter looked over at MJ, wiping his eyes as he nodded. “Yeah. He's picking me up after the field trip.” 

 

“Alright. Do you have everything you need?” 

 

“Yeah, it's all in my bag.”

 

.

 

Peter looked over at Ned with his brows furrowed. “Hey, hey, Ned, I need you to make a distraction. Ned.” 

 

Ned looked up, his mouth falling into the shape of an O. 

 

“We're all gonna die,” he called out, loud. 

 

MJ sighed. 

 

.

 

Peter would typically be happy to see Stephen and Tony in the same place, but with everything out there, he didn't know if the two end up fighting or not. He truly didn't want them to. 

 

But it was out there, now. The knowledge of him being Spiderman. 

 

Which meant that the air was thick with tension through the whole fight. 

 

.

 

“Could you two just stop fighting,” Peter yelled, getting both to turn towards him, both surprised. 

 

The damn planet must have been making him emotional, messing with his hormones or something. Because Peter was so tired of it. 

 

“Every single time you two get together, you two fight over something! Not a full hour ago, it was about bringing me into the Civil War bullshit, which was my idea, actually! And now you two can't even decide on something that could save a whole universe! Get your shit together, okay?!” 

 

Tears fell. 

 

A lot of them. 

 

Not only were his fathers seeing this, but the Guardians as well, getting a full show at Peter’s expense. 

 

“If we mess this up, at all,” Peter choked out, “It’ll be all because you two wouldn't stop fighting. That’ll kill half the galaxy, not counting any of the suicides that will clearly follow. So, get your guy’s act together so we don't all die.” 

 

.

 

Peter stuttered on his actions when he saw the man in front of him, holding a girl’s arm. She had green skin, beautifully smooth. She looked passed out, though.

 

Something about his brain screamed about a stone missing. His dreams all aligned with one more stone being in the gauntlet. 

 

“ _ Something's wrong, _ ” was all Peter had mustered out. 

 

.

 

“ _ Go to sleep, _ ” Mantis soothed, watching to the side as Peter and Tony pulled on the gauntlet, harsh tugs following. 

 

With a harsh jerk, Peter watched it swing off, roughly hitting him in the face. Not a full second after he fell, so did the Titan. He pressed the gauntlet into Tony’s hand, pushing his way forward. 

 

“He's just asleep, right? Please tell me he isn't dead? Do we have to kill him?” 

 

Questions filled the air as Peter trailed on. No one understood why Peter was suddenly standing up for the villian, but they didn't question it, just giving back soft replies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this chapter was bullshit. I sort of want to get a few pieces of fan art out for it, though. Follow my Tumblr, Daveysfuckindoodles for art updates, as well as my Instagram el.Davey.doodles


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All trigger warnings are spoken of before they happen, though I did not cover the whole Thanos thing that happened in the previous chapter. I will handle it in chapter four, though, most likely. My deepest apologies. I'm also sorry for any mistakes, none of this is edited due to the fact that I don't have my computer working and my Internet is out due to a storm, anyways. So I am on mobile while posting.

There's a new sadness to the young hero. A sadness that makes him look ten years older than he truly was.

 

He stared at his other fathers. He didn't budge from his place in the tree, crouched down.

 

“Man of Spiders, come rejoice with us,” Thor called happily from the group of heroes, all crowded together and happily chatting.

 

He hesitantly jumped down, walking over before pulling off his mask. Silence filled the group.

 

“We did it, guys,” he smiled.

 

.

 

A lot of the afternoon ended in Peter avoiding his fathers in favor of making vine references with Shuri. The two quickly had a bond over the dead app.

 

“This bitch empty,” Shuri yelled.

 

Peter stared at the spear for a moment before screaming, “Yeet,” throwing it across room and watching in silence as it speared through one of the older designs for the Black Panther’s suit.

 

Shuri was the first to burst into laughter, her face lighting up instantly.

 

.

 

Peter didn't speak to Steve or Bucky until he stood beside Stephen, T’Challa, and Tony. The four had been discussing upgrades to the Spiderlings suit while Shuri took notes on upgrades.

 

“Peter,” Bucky called, words making the hero flinch.

 

T’Challa immediately took his cue. “This is probably a family issue. We shall take our leave now and finish notes later. Come, Shuri.”

 

“Yes, brother,” she said, gathering her notes before following.

 

Peter could feel his nerves within an instant. Literally. His Spidey senses were killing him.

 

“Hi,” he trailed off with, turning towards his fathers.

 

“Please don't yell at me,” he whispered, “I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I promise. I should have helped Rhodey, I know. and if I could, I would. But I didn't and I should have gotten up. I didn't want to hurt anyone, so I tried to be peacemaker, but then everyone started fighting, and it got bad. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for any of that to happen. I seriously shou-”

 

“Peter, calm down,” Steve said calmly, brows furrowed.”Its okay. No one blames you.” He pulled his sob into a hug. “Its okay, Peter.”

 

The words hadn't helped the hero in the least as he pressed his head to his father’s chest. “I'm so sorry,” he whispered, the words becoming a chorus as the others joined in a hug. The first time the family had been back together and it was because Peter was having a mental breakdown. God, he hated this family.

 

.

 

_{Warning: strong mentions of self harm, including descriptions, suicidal thoughts, and other similar triggers. Please skip over to the /•••/ if they trigger you. Thank you.}_

 

Blood dribbled down his wrists, thick and dark. Water gathered around his body, a warm embrace compared to what had happened that day. Sure, it sounded sad, but he felt more comfortable with a hug from the hot, red orange water than from the four men that had raised him.

 

He couldn't explain the feeling as to why he liked it. Maybe it was soft of a kinky thing at this point? He wasn't actually sure. Something in his brain just registered it as better. He liked the way it felt, the way it _looked_.

 

The water cleared when he stood, reverting to a shower instead. His arms and thighs turned back to the pale color they originally sported before he'd practically ripped his own flesh to bits.

 

It sort of set in that he would die. That he would and nothing could stop it. He wasn't Thor, he couldn't live thousands of years and just _expect_ to keep going. He could only live so long before it all crashed and burned.

 

 _I could do it,_ he whispered, slowly leaning more into the water as he littered his arms with deeper, harsher marks, _I could do it and it'd be over with. No more dysphoria, or family fights. It'll all be over._

 

He slowly slipped himself lower, and lower until he closed his eyes underneath, no energy left to hold himself up from blood loss and motivation.

 

.

 

The room illuminated, immediately awakening everyone in the room. Each had their own moment to groan before FRIDAY began.

 

‘ _Mister Parker appears to no longer be in his room, though his transmitter seems to still say so. I am no longer picking up a healthy heartbeat from him, Mister Stark._ ’

 

“Oh, shit,” Stephen said immediately. He was the first to stand, Bucky the second as Tony and Steve stood at the same time. In a rushed motion, the Doctor made a small portal to his room, the four making the jump smoothly to transition.

 

Peter wasn't in his Ned, which immediately raised suspicion. Bucky was beyond terrified of the sight he saw after opening the bathroom door, letting out a yelp at it.

 

Because there it was.

 

An overflowing bathtub with Peter inside, paler than they'd ever seen him, dressed in a binder and underwear, both stained by the violently red/orange water surrounding him.

 

“Oh, dear God,” he murmured.

 

Tony was the first to even have the slightest hint on what to do, Stephen following. The two began to pull him out, Steve turning off the water while Bucky retreated (no one could blame him, they all knew self harm had been a severely touchy subject to him). The three pumped his chest in shifts, two attempting to close wounds when the other did their best to get him to breathe.

 

“Damnit,” Steve whispered, “get up, Pete,” he begged. It was terrifying for him. He remembered distinctly walking on Bucky during the same situation years ago, the positions having been switched as well. The two of them were always on suicide watch, especially for each other.

 

Tears were mixing with blood, a desperate plea for their son to just _Wake up, please_! But nothing came of it, the life slowly dwindling away.

 

Until Stephen gave on harsh push, earning a harsh cough in return, then shaking breathes.

 

“Thank God,” he murmured, “Steve, go check on Bucky, alright? We've got the rest for now.”

 

**_/• • •/_ **

 

_{Warning: talks of suicide attempts, venting, rape, and self harm, though not as strongly. Themes will continue through the story for the rest of the chapter, though there will be a summary in the end notes for those who skipped due to triggers.}_

 

Peter didn't want to wake up. Not with his four fathers crowded around with worried expressions. Tony was gently pushing a cup of… _something_ to Bucky, who looked overwhelmingly sad and neutral at the same time. Steve didn't even show any sort of emotion, but his face was red, puffy, and streaked either tears, which unfortunately matched everyone else's.

 

He slowly leaned up, looking down at himself as the other four looked up.

 

There was a soft exhale from Bucky, a ‘ _thank God,_ ’ leaving him as he offered a light smile.

 

The four didn't hesitate to pull him into a hug. Any emotion Peter was trying to hold in broke. His loud sobs filled the compound, and no one could do anything about it.

 

.

 

Hours had passed. Seven, to be exact, of just Peter sobbing. No words were said from him, though his fathers only offered gentle praise to their son, each saying why they were proud of him, doing their best to help him in any way. By the time he was done, he seemed to shut down almost completely. It was just lifeless eyes and a cold body focusing purely on a cup of hot tea held in his hands.

 

Thanks to his healing factor, his arms were, for the most part, beginning to heal. But after the blood transfusion, it was incredibly slow.

 

Once Peter had gained his bearings enough, he offered a quiet, “I'm sorry. It wasn't supposed to go that far.”

 

Everyone looked up at him.

 

“Please don't look at me, I'm gross,” he held a hand up, lightly shooing their looks away, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

 

Steve gently took Peter’s hand, giving him a soft squeeze. “Hey, hey, it's okay, Pete. Take your time.”

 

He looked away, his chin settling on his hand before he gave a harsh flinch, remembering not to make arm to anything contact.

 

“It wasn't supposed to go this far,” he repeated, “just a couple of marks and thoughts, but nothing to act on.” A new set of tears were making their way to his eyes. “I shouldn't have done it, I know. I really know. Please don't yell at me, I can't take that right now.” He cowered in on himself, as if bracing for a harsh slap. To the parents, it only seemed like it. To Peter, he was expecting more than just a slap. But when the only thing that came was a soft, ‘ _It’s okay,_ ’ from Bucky, he relaxed.

 

“I was… thinking about a few things. A lot of things, actually. A whole, whole lot. All the fighting you guys have been doing, what happened with Aunt May and Uncle Ben, all the… the times I thought I failed as your guy’s kid. I mean, shit, you've got the Guardian of the Time Stone who could shift reality however he'd like, Tony fucking Stark, Captain fucking America, and Bucky Barnes, the worlds best assassin. God knows I've seen how people at school look at me, then compare me to you guys after that school trip.

 

“I just couldn't stand it anymore. You guys are just so much to love up to. I didn't have any powers until I fucked up and got bitten by a stupid spider, then almost died a bunch of times. I hated it so much, and I still do. Because I'm so insignificant compared to you four. And it's not like I can say, ‘oh, yeah, Dads, tone down being yourselves.’ Because you just can't tell someone that like I-”

 

He slapped a hand over his mouth, turning away as tears fell down his cheeks in harsh strides. He could not, under any circumstances stances, look at anyone in the room. It felt like his stomach was collapsing on itself. The words felt like vomit on his mouth.

 

“I can't say what I want to,” he murmured, “I want to, I promise, but…” his words faltered. “I physically can't bring myself to. Not after what happened. I might be able to write it?”

 

Tony gave a grave nod, the others following as he spoke. “Its okay, Peter. We understand.”

 

.

 

The words didn't flow onto paper the way he wanted. They were incoherent bullet points with ink smudged from tears and blood from a papercut (he made sure to explain on the side). They didn't make sense without earlier context, without knowing who was who, without a numbering system that only made sense to Peter himself. But there were some small things that made sense without needing confrontation.

 

It was long. Really long.

 

Words repeated, words that made him frown and press the pencil harshly against the paper, words that made him stop writing to take a breather.

 

An hour passed before he finally walked out and handed the papers to Stephen, looking down as he walked away.

 

“I'm gonna go train,” he mumbled numbly.

 

They could only nod as he walked away.

 

.

 

Bucky felt vile rise in his throat as he read more and more of the scattered notes, words repeating themselves, phrases as well. He hated seeing each and every word more and more.

 

_-he touched me_

 

Was sloppily crossed out, not enough so that no one could read it.

 

- _he_

_-princess_

 

The words didn't make sense as he read over them. Peter was clearly a wreck when he wrote it, the assassin couldn't deny that he'd seen Peter walk out of his own room multiple times to take breathers.

 

_-don't touch me_

_-do not_

_-don't_

_-please_

 

A few lines were crossed out, blotted out by water marks that Bucky suspected were tears.

 

_-I'm nasty_

_-don't_

_-he_

_-I begged no_

_-no_

_-no_

_-nononononononononononononono_

 

Bucky hesitated on the section of letters, repeated so they could either make a thought or they were the actual thought. A line was messily written over it, followed by more and more.

 

The next few were partially scrawled out, words distorted and hard to read, but still there.

 

_-abortion_

_-I didn't want to ||||_

_-I |||| have_

_-I'm gross and ||||_

_-I hate myself_

_-don't touch me_

_-I'm nasty_

_-blood_

_-|||| hurt me_

 

More followed, harsher and more disgusting with each word, going to describe small things that he hated.

 

_-stayed with |||| and |||| while I ||||_

_-I bleed for hours_

_-I still |||| for ||||_

_-dont touch_

_-no_

_-he didn't |||| stop_

_-he |||| me on ||||_

_-I could have been a dad_

 

Bucky could no longer stomach the words, running to vomit as Stephen had done moments before. He took a couple minutes before he began reading again.

 

_-I killed them_

_-I ||||_

_-hurt ||||_

_-asked Bruce for ||||_

_-he thought |||| Liz wanted it_

_-they think its for ||||_

 

More and more words collected. Bucky took a long time trying to decipher what the Hell Peter meant, but big things stood out to him.

 

 

  * __Peter had been raped.__


  * _He had an abortion._


  * _Whoever did it was the reason Peter started self harming._



 

 

Nothing could stop him from feeling disgusting.

 

.

 

No one was expecting Peter to make a group chat on his cellphone to text the four what had happened. To make better sense of it all, he thought.

 

_‘I should tell you guys what happened._

_Like a normal person_

_Just say it_

 

_But I physically can't without feeling gross and shutting down_

_So I can text it to you guys_

_I have all your phones in my room and FRIDAY is shut off so you won't get any texts until morning._

 

_He_

 

_He was a friend when I was younger_

_Younger as in when I stayed with Ben and May_

_Maybe May and Ben sounds better?_

_MayBen_

_BenMay_

_Not the point_

 

_We dated for three years. The first two, amazing, for the most part. We… bickered, like all couples do…_

 

_Something changed, actually_

_It got super bad._

_Super… super bad._

_As in suffocating bad._

 

_He tried that once, actually_

 

_I thought if I did what he said, it'd all be fine and we'd be good._

 

_It was not._

 

_At all_

 

_I begged him not to do things_

_Begged_

_Full on sobbed for him to stop_

 

_Of course, it didn't work, as you guys can tell_

 

_He drugged me a bunch of times_

_A whole bunch_

 

_I remember I once slept for three days because it got so bad_

 

_When I told him I was leaving, to come back and live at the tower_

_He didn't like that_

_At all_

 

_I have a lot of scars from him_

 

_A whole lot_

 

_He once threw a beer bottle at me_

_I watched it shatter_

 

_My whole side’s fucked up from him_

 

_He also made sure to call me his Princess and everything he could to make sure I knew my assigned sex_

 

_He also had assigned dates for sex_

_A lot of them_

 

_He beat me a lot too_

_A whole lo_

_Lot*_

 

_Nothing happened besides passive aggressive remarks and harassment in the hallways except the occasional shoves_

 

_Then he got me in the bathrooms at school_

_Showers, technically_

 

_He's not a softcore porn type of man like the girls think he is_

 

_He fucking isn't_

 

_I asked Bruce for an abortion pill, convinced him it was for Liz after her and her boyfriend after they did it and she got pregnant (she's a hardcore lesbian, actually), then went and stayed with Ned and MJ_

 

_I convinced them that I had to go through female puberty in order to get top surgery_

_They knew I was Spiderman_

_They were the first people to know_

 

 _I told them first and then bolted out to_ **_be_ ** _Spiderman_

 

_I feel gross_

_Really gross_

_Disgusting, actually_

_Especially when I think about it’_

 

Peter had to stop. He had to breathe.

 

An hour must've passed before he was typing again.

 

‘ _He made me cut_

_Said that if I loved him, I'd do it_

_If I didn't, he'd yelled and do anything in his power to make me bleed wherever he wanted_

 

_I remember waking up and crying in pain for hours_

 

_But back to Ned and MJ_

_They didn't know_

_At all_

 

_They thought it was just new medicine_

 

_I could've been a dad_

_An actually, decent, dedicated dad_

 

_You guys are amazing dads_

_Even if you guys almost killed each other_

_Multiple times_

 

_Besides the point!_

 

_I don't know why I did what I did_

 

_Stay by him, self harm, attempt_

 

_I do, actually_

 

_I wanted him to actually love me_

_And I wanted to feel something other than being numb, both mentally and physically, all the time_

_And I wanted it all to end_

 

_I shouldn't’ve thought that_

_But I did_

_And now I feel gross and disgusting_

_All the time_

 

_MJ And Ned both think I'm the one that’ll talk their ear off if something's wrong._

 

_I haven't._

_I can't, physically_

 

_It makes me suffocate from nerves and I get too sad to remember to breathe._

 

_I used to pretend I liked it_

_If I did, he wouldn't yell at me as much._

_When I didn't, he'd do other things_

_Choke me_

_Use anything sharp enough to hurt me_

 

_I actually have a scar on the inside of my thing from where he shoved a razor blade in it when he was…._

_Yeah_

_Because I “didn't moan loud enough”_

 

_I felt like nothing_

_And I still do_

_I feel like the worms in the ground are worth more than I will ever amount to_

 

_Not even the good worms, either_

 

_Those worms that are farmed for fishing but end up never catching any fish_

 

_I feel like a blade of grass is worth more than I am_

 

_I don't understand why you guys love me as much as you do_

_Or anyone on the team._

 

_Why'd you guys do it?_

_More so, how?_

_I'm a lot to handle, even if you're a super hero._

 

_I'm just a whole ass handful and then some_

 

_I guess that's a good thing that I have four dads instead of just one or two_

 

_I haven't slept in about two days_

_My senses are all on edge_

_I'm too aware of everything_

 

_Sensory overload at its finest, if you ask me_

 

_I need to stop_

 

_I'm going to stop_

 

_I'm done._

 

_Actually done._

 

_Please don't kill me when you read this?_

 

_And don't bring it up to me directly, face to face, because I can't handle that_

 

_I should tell everyone_

 

_But I can't stomach it_

 

_I don't want to, either_

 

_But it needs to be out there???_

 

_I should tell them eventually._

 

_I want to, but I physically cannot_

 

_I can't text them, “hey, I got raped multiple times, attempted suicide, oh, and I got an abortion because I was raped, and I'm physically and mentally scarred from a toxic ass relationship that's been going on for almost six years” casually._

 

_Eugh_

 

_I'm going on patrol, then to sleep._

 

_Good night_

 

_Even though its almost five in the morning_

 

_I also won't tell you who “he” is_

 

_Because that'd be bad no matter what the outcome, whether it be assholes from school or just he as himself_

 

_That's actually it now_

 

_Bu-bye’_

 

His words ended bitterly, and tears had collected harshly. He couldn't help the soft sobs that left him.

 

.

 

No one enjoyed the words they'd been greeted with during the morning.

 

They didn't enjoy reading their sons troubles, not after the past few days. It all seemed disgusting to them.

 

Stephen and Bucky were caught vomiting about twenty texts in, Steve looked so disgusted that someone could have thought he was watching it happen, and Tony looked so silently pissed that it made his face physically ache.

 

There was no way in Hell that the four didn't end up spending hours beating on poor practice dummies.

 

.

 

Peter woke up feeling no better. In fact, he felt worse. He immediately woke up to terrible cramps, an easy thing to determine as his bullshit, surprise period that came once every few months and decided to stay for up to a month. It easily explained all the sensory overload he'd been experiencing for the past couple of days. Damn his crazy ass spider bite fuckery. It made menstruation its own bitchy thing.

 

He vomited the second he stood, running to the bathroom to keep from getting his own stomach contents on the floor.

 

His morning routine was quick. Considering how much he had to go through with the added dysphoria. He didn't have the energy to deal with his own emotions. A quick shower, brushing his teeth, then throw on a hoodie and shorts, considering how quickly and messily it was done. He brushed his hair and then began his walk to the commons.

 

.

 

“How did you set them on fire,” Bruce yelled at Thor, who was desperately trying to put a fire out, “You were making a damn grilled cheese?!”

 

Peter silently watched beside Natasha, who could only stare in a mix of confusion and humor.

 

“So…” Peter began.

 

“If you're looking for your parents, they've been in the training room all day. They seem pretty pissed, I don't know what happened, though.”

 

“Alright, thanks, Nat,” he murmured, walking away from the scene.

 

.

 

Peter just barely dodged a dummy as it slung across the room. His enhanced spidey senses just barely saved him, web slinging him up just in time.

 

“Jesus Christ,” he yelled.

 

“Shit, sorry,” Bucky yelled, panting.

 

“If I stay here, you guys won't end up murdering me on accident, will you?”

 

Steve forced a laugh, jogging over to his son. “Can't guarantee anything, kid.”

 

Peter gave a soft laugh at that. “Sooooo,” he trailed off, trying not to make it awkward, though it clearly already was.

 

There's a strained sadness to the room, a strain to connect and understand.

 

Peter frowned as he looked down, rubbing at his arm. “Sorry,” he murmured.

 

“Hey, it's okay,” Steve spoke quietly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Tony stepped down, joining his husband and son.

 

Peter contemplated his words for a moment, brows furrowed, even as he spoke. “I'm not actually sure? I don't really think about it unless something reminds me of it, and then I just sort of… I don't really know? Pretend it doesn't happen and go on with my day?”

 

Peter sits, his fathers all slowly joining him.

 

“I guess there are things that I really can't handle? It depends on who's touching where. I'm typically not that cautious of, for the most part, but my chest, thighs stomach, lower back, and hair are immediate no’s for most people. I don't kind Ned and MJ, since they're really the only people that know about some of the things? Ned knows about Flash being verbally abusive but aside from that, he's in the dark. MJ doesn't know at all, and that's how it's going to stay.”

 

He had to take a minute to breathe, head in his hands while he remembered _It’s okay, they won't hurt you if you fuck up_.

 

“Touch is fine for the most part, yeah. But… certain words are…” he cringed. “I don't like them and they just remind me of _him._ ”

 

He could feel his skin crawl at the thought of Flash and what he'd done. Hell, his name itself made him uncomfortable. He shuttered, brows furrowing.

 

“How are you feeling now, though? And tell the honest truth,” Stephen spoke softly. It wasn't a command, not with the tone he used. Just a simple plea.

 

He thought it over before forcing out a smile and scoff, “Absolutely disgusting, honestly.” He wiped at his eyes, still smiling _somehow,_ though it seemed slightly more genuine. “Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated about us?”

 

“Because the world's a bitch,” Bucky spoke coolly.

 

Peter groaned at hearing that. “God, I know that. But, seriously, think about it!” He started to do hand motions, “We've all saved the whole ass universe, saved each other, attempted to murder each other, besides Stephen, killed someone at one point, played with death multiple times, almost died countless more. Jesus, just listen to all this! An ex-assassin, two who used to be criminals, a businessman who became a billionaire, and an underpaid doctor with their spider bitten kid who is sudden way more a girl than he had been twenty four hours before. That's not normal, in the least! Do you guys understand how fucked up we all are?”

 

“Wow,” Steve murmured, brows furrowed, “never really thought about it that way.”

 

Moments passed of silence before Peter whispered a quiet, “I'm sorry.”

 

“Its okay, Kid,” Tony said, not skipping a beat.

 

Peter was about to say something, but within an instant he was running to the garbage can, dry heaving. He'd already vomited all the contents in his stomach today.

 

He felt even grosser.

 

.

 

A lot of Peter’s day was typically the same songs played on repeat while laying down, but today's ended up being a vast difference of skipped around music while hanging upside down from the ceiling, calculating his movements so he wouldn't shake around.

 

His periods never had once agreed with him, but now they were all Spider-like, he couldn't stand them any better. A full month of bleeding, due to eggs dropping all around the same time and slowly doing as they pleased didn't help him in the least. Neither had a wide arrangement of birth control and Testosterone doses.

 

He ended up calling MJ and Ned, begging the two to come over because, _‘Dear God, I feel so nasty, please come and talk to me, distract me however you can.’_ Boy did they find a distraction.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Peter attempts suicide (more so on accident due to passing out in the bath tub), which earns him an explanation to his fathers about it. He also quickly explains to them that he was raped by Flash (chapter 2's big trigger warning) without actually saying who through a few broken sobs, messy words scrawled on a paper, and broken texts sent at five in the morning. He also starts his spider menstrual cycle, aka a month long of bleeding due to the eggs dropping at multiple points and cleaning itself out over a longer point of time. 
> 
> .
> 
> Over 4,300 words. Jesus Christ. 
> 
> The next chapter will have sexual elements, but there's no rape whatsoever, I promise. Its all consensual. Autosexual elements (the use of sexual intimacy as a therapeutic statement) will be implied next chapter. 
> 
> I plan on writing about two more chapters with 4,500 words for chapter four, and 5,000 for chapter five. 
> 
> Please comment, comments fucking feed my thirsty ass. It also really helps if you guys suggest plots and other things I can add on to fuel the story!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All warnings set previously still stand

The very first thing Peter had decided was that Michelle was  _ so _ much better with her hands than Flash ever dreamed to be. He preferred the way she moved her fingers than the way he ever had. 

 

Ned also decided that he, too, preferred MJ, the way she wrapped her fingers around him, gently pumping to calm him. 

 

The three didn't actually remember what lead into, honestly. A few suggestions of, “what if we binge watch shitty porn and laugh at the plot,” and “what if we tried to do that,” with a snicker. 

 

But Peter wouldn't deny that he loved the feeling, considering he hadn't ever even attempted to get off once and was deeply deprived of any sexual touches. He pressed his forearm to his eyes, covering them as he quietly moaned, noise stifled by his hoodie. The other hand grasped at the sheets, flexing between the fabrics folds. 

 

Ned, on the other hand, was different. He was only a tad bit louder, due to the fact that he was biting his hand, gently grinding into MJ’s hand. He included a string of curses each moan, a lot more fixated on MJ’s hand than his own voice. 

 

Peter’s quiet cries for her to please add another finger didn't go unnoticed, but MJ knew not to strain it, no matter how much he begged for her to. 

 

The moment Peter and Ned had both finished, MJ was glad to let them do as they pleased with her body, though they were both a lot more gentle than she thought they'd end up being. 

 

.

 

Peter immediately cleaned his sheets, due to the fact there was blood and cum on them. When Wanda had asked why he was changing them, he'd said a simple, “Guess it's just that time of the month,” before awkwardly walking away. 

 

He needed a shower, considering that there was, in fact, still blood all down his thighs, which was just gross in general, and reminded him way too much of the first time he'd ever had sex. 

 

He didn't really bother talking to the two happily lounging on the bed, considering they were both absorbed in their phones. 

 

He just quickly placed himself in the shower, running cold water to get the stains out of his clothes, then switching to a scolding hot temperature and going crazy, content with standing in it just long enough to get wet and wash. 

 

He came into his own room, not minding his friends seeing him naked, they had already seen him like this before, on multiple occasions, whether it be from walking in in him to him walking in on them in his room after a shower or changing out of his suit. No one spoke about it (besides MJ saying, “Dude, you've got a nice butt,” getting a laugh from the other two and a thanks.) or what had just happened. 

 

Peter laid beside Ned, MJ sitting on the floor with her back against the bed while she read something about a new pride parade coming up. 

 

“Are we going to ever talk about this or just leave it,” Ned asked quietly. 

 

Before Peter could respond, MJ cut in with a, “You two should be my boyfriends. And then be each others boyfriends.” 

 

“Only if it's okay with Ned, I'm game,” Peter concluded instantly. 

 

“Alright. Glad to be your guy's boyfriend.” 

 

“Same to you,” Peter smiled. 

 

.

 

The day passed quietly, no interruptions besides Peter's dysphoria and Ned’s mom calling once to ask if he knew his little sister had a giant ball of paper stuck in her nose at one point (he hadn't, of course). 

 

Peter was admittedly sad when they left, but he did kiss them before they left. Both had been surprised to learn that Peter was, in all actuality, a really good kisser. 

 

His mood drastically changed once they left, though. His dysphoria decided to suddenly punch him in the gut with a wave of harsh vomiting and cramps. He wouldn't deny almost crying at them. 

 

But the promise of a pride parade tomorrow kept him happy enough. 

 

.

 

Peter was beyond ecstatic to finally use his pride flag for something good. Especially if it meant he could be Spiderman while he did it. 

 

Michelle and Ned were practically skipping with anticipation. They were happy that Spiderman could finally come out and not mind what people said, as well as getting his family to join in the fun.

 

.

 

Peter happily swung himself from building to building, but suddenly stopped, hesitating. Something seemed wrong, something incredibly bad. It made his spine run cold, blood following even in the almost-summer’s heat.

 

“Everybody run,” he suddenly yelled watching as a bomb went off, a building beginning to crash down, thankfully just in front of the parade, near the end. It wasn't enough to hurt too many people, but Peter was still quick to intervene and help, even if it meant he was in the aftermath. 

 

He got enough people out just in time, but not himself, only having enough time to glance at the building before he felt it crash down onto his body. 

 

‘ _ System failure. System failure. _ ’ Karren repeated, words filling his ears. ‘ _ Restarting in three, two, one. _ ’ 

 

Static filled his head, a lot of it, from everyone else's comms to his own. 

 

He could tell it was a mix between a panic attack and having an actual building on top of him for what felt like the hundredth time. It was probably only about his third, though he couldn't remember or tell, not now with all this going on. 

 

_ ‘Peter, Mister Stark requests you please answer him.’ _

 

He couldn't.

 

.

 

Peter woke up frantic, unable to breathe. He ached terribly. His throat was too too dry to help him voice anything. 

 

The first thing, aside from the pain, Peter noticed was the new… addition. 

 

Metal.

 

One hundred percent.

 

Or rather, laid. 

 

“Oh, dear God,” he whispered. 

 

“He is awake,” Shuri announced with a smile from her work desk, her brother standing beside her. 

 

“Thankfully. I will go get his fathers. See to explaining it to him, sister,” he called, turning on his heels sharply. 

 

Peter could only stare in confusion, attempting to place in his mind where he was. For some reason, it just wasn't in his mind to be there. 

 

Shuri made her way over to the table, offering a caring smile. “Hello, Peter. Good to see you again. A shame it's for this reason, though.” She gave a somber sigh as she pointed to his leg. “When the building fell on you, during the pride parade, you suffered too much damage. You took two hundred hits where you could only handle three, metaphorically speaking. It's amazing that your body could withstand as much as it did, actually.” 

 

Peter ran his hand up the metal, frowning. All the way down to his crotch. All metal. 

 

“You will need updates to the leg every six months though. Your spider DNA is an amazing thing, so it might only be three. You grow amazingly fast for yourself, being a white boy and all,” she laughed. 

 

Peter nodded along. “So I've got a metal leg now?...” 

 

“Yes, you do. You're also on multiple painkillers, so I do not suggest standing up at the moment. In about an hour, you should be completely fine for standing. Your body heals remarkably fast as well! Why didn't you tell me the last time you were up here?!” 

 

Peter was about to answer, but his fathers seemed to be more interested in him not being dead than anything. 

 

“Thank God,” Tony whispered, hugging his son loosely. “Now, what the Hell were you thinking?!” 

 

“Don't let innocent bystanders die, get them out of the way before they can get murdered. You were doing the same exact thing.” 

 

Tony fell silent, brows furrowing. 

 

“That's besides the point,” Stephen said, stepping up. 

 

Peter listened to them fuss, letting the words go in one ear and out the other. He paused them when a smile graced his face. He lifted his metal leg, “We match now, Dad.” 

 

Never before had Peter seen so many emotions flash on Bucky’s face as he had within that moment. 

 

“God, you're terrible,” the older whispered, pulling his son in for a light hug. 

 

.

 

Peter couldn't find himself in worse of a mental state than was currently bestowed upon him. 

 

All he could do was lay in bed with his binder painfully tight, causing lots of discomfort, but God knows it wasn't going to ease his dysphoria to remove it. 

 

His metal leg was seemingly numb, which was odd, considering Shuri had made sure to tell Peter he would, most definitely, always feel it. It just sort of amazed him how he could still go numb to it all. 

 

.

 

Training wasn't the best for a teenager one week into his maybe four week long period. Especially with an enhanced super weapon leg as a new thing for him. He easily found himself getting pissed off at each miscalculated step to every time he slipped the slightest bit. By half an hour, he was ready to kick anyone who dared talking to him into Narnia. 

 

He stormed around the compound, grumbling about how, ‘ _ This is bullshit, why'd a building have to land on me, what the fuck? Why does this always fucking happen? It's fucking bullshit! _ ’ along with an annoyed punch to the poor toaster that ended in it being thrown halfway across the common room, broken to pieces.

 

Peter was so willing to kick someone's ass, most definitely not ready for school to start in an hour. In fact, he despised the thought. 

 

.

 

Peter sat in the car, Bucky driving in silence. 

 

“You're the Winter Soldier, ex assassin, correct?” 

 

“I haven't been called that since I first met your dads.” 

 

“When we fought, Steve and Tony both called you it at least once.” Peter murmured. 

 

“What about it?” 

 

He opened his mouth to speak, attempting to form words. It took a few tries before he spoke out, “How'd you handle?” 

 

Bucky snuck a peak at his son. “Handle what?” 

 

He flicked his vision over to the metallic arm on the wheel. 

 

“Learned to live with it. Didn't have a chance not to, actually.” 

 

Peter knew he couldn't just remove his leg. 

 

“Either that or just take it off. When I stayed in Wakanda, before the whole War with Thanos, I didn't have the arm on. At all.” 

 

Peter leaned against the door, looking out the window. He didn't want to hear the taunts at school that would come. 

 

“Do you miss the flesh arm? Or do you prefer the metal one?” 

 

Bucky pursed his lips for a moment before mumbling, “Do you want the truth?” He saw the younger gently nod. “I would take the metal over flesh any day.” 

 

Peter just gave him another nod, relaxing in his seat. There wasn't much he could do aside from that. 

 

Bucky contemplated his words for a moment before he spoke again. “It'll take time, Pete. You'll get a preference for one or the other at some point. One that won't be biased based on the fact that it just happened and you're not used to it.” 

 

Peter nodded once more, silence befalling the teen. 

 

.

 

“Hey Penis,” Flash yelled with a smirk, “got news on my kid yet?” 

 

“What,” Peter scowled, turning sharply. 

 

“Got news on whether my kids a boy or not?” 

 

The look of disgust didn't leave Peter, getting sharper. Especially when MJ said, “What's he talking about, Pete?”

 

“A bit bold saying something like take out loud, Flash. Don't be cocky.” 

 

Flash's smirk didn't seem to drindle in the least. “Oh, you think I'm worried about what you might do? You're a pussy, Piper,” he whispered, “and you own one, too.” 

 

It was instinct. 

 

Pure instinct.

 

Peters fist slamming into Flash’s face and throwing him against a wall that was well over three yards away was purely instinct. 

 

Yes.

 

Most definitely. 

 

It was also definitely instinct to call his fathers about it immediately. 

 

.

 

“Peter, what the Hell was he talking about,” Ned asked, words cutting worse than a blade could. 

 

The only reason Peter was with Ned and MJ currently was because he was with them in the office, awaiting Peter's parents to finish with the principal so he could leave. 

 

Flash had already left, wheeled into an ambulance on a gurney, already clear he had a broken nose and jaw, judging simply by the bones sticking out of his skin. 

 

His two significant others were only there to hold up Peter’s side of the story, say what happened, help clear his name. 

 

“Nothing, Ned. Just let it go, okay?” 

 

“Peter,” MJ spoke harshly, “ _ What did Flash mean? _ ” 

 

Peter was quickly getting irritated with their words. At least it distracted them from his new metal leg, though, covered by his pants. 

 

Their words pushed and pushed, adding on more and more force until Peter blurted out, “He did more than just yell at me when we dated, alright?!” 

 

His words echoed through the office, most definitely heard in the principal's office as well. Especially since all the conversation halted. 

 

The principal stuck her head out, a new once since the year before, Miss Wetherbee, “Is everything alright, Miss Jones, Mister Leeds, and Mister Parker?” 

 

“Yes, Miss Wetherbee. I'm sorry, Ned couldn't hear what I was saying over the copying machine. He wanted to know why the new bachelorette only stayed with her boyfriend for a month, so I told him exactly what she said.” 

 

She gave a stern nod. “Don't let it happen again, alright?” 

 

“Yes, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am.” 

 

She shut the door, leaving the three in silence. 

 

MJ opened her mouth to speak, only to be stopped by Peter, “Don't, I don't want to talk about what happened. If you insist on talking, pick something else, please?” 

 

She shut her mouth for a moment before deciding to speak. “Are you alright? From Saturday?” 

 

“I'm fine. Did you guys get out okay? I passed out after the building fell on me.” He was, most definitely, not going to tell them about the metal leg. 

 

“Yeah,” Ned spoke quietly, “We got out. We were on the fourth float.” Peter nodded. 

 

.

 

Half an hour passed before MJ and Ned were leaving, their parents taking them home, away from the ‘violence.’ A couple minutes passed of him being alone before his parents made their way out. 

 

“We'll talk about it at dinner,” Steve spoke sternly. 

 

Peter nodded, getting up and following them to the car. 

 

.

 

Peter wasn't anticipating the Guardians to be joking them for dinner, followed by a cheery looking Thor with his brother and their wife. Peter hadn't spoken to them much, aside from Mantis and Groot. Groot ended up loving vines as much as he and Shuri. And Mantis was just fun to be around. 

 

Mantis went to shake his hand, just barely touching his fingers before pulling away. She looked upset, brows furrowing as she stared. 

 

“You… You have a lot of emotions. Do you need to talk?” 

 

His smile fell. “I… I'll tell you later, alright?” 

 

She gave a gentle nod, following Drax to greet Tony and Steve. 

 

Peter smiled at the other Peter in the room, running over to greet him. 

 

“Peter,” the older yelled with a wide smile. 

 

“Peter,” the younger called back, bringing the other into a tight hug. “Wow! Look at that, Gamora! Mister Muscle man over here!” 

 

The woman gave a gentle laugh at his words. 

 

.

 

Dinner quickly became awkward to the head of the table, Peter sitting at the head with Stephen and Steve on his left, Bucky and Tony at his right. 

 

“We’re going to have to talk about this eventually, Peter,” Stephen said. “We just want to know, why did you punch him?” 

 

Mantis turned her head up, catching Peter’s eyes for a moment, his eyes ammitting a terrible terror and pain to them. He broke away, looking at his food. “Because he's annoying.” 

 

“Just because someone is annoying, doesn't mean you break their nose and jaw, Pete.” 

 

Tony words irritated him, just raising more walls for the teen. 

 

The four began to gently wear at him. Mantis stood, beginning to make her way over. Rocket’s eyes followed, worrying for her. 

 

Just before she had time to help, to intervene in any way, Steve spoke. 

 

“Peter, why the Hell did you punch him? He didn't do anything!” 

 

Peter stood, chair scooting back behind him in one swift motion. “Nothing?! You think I punched him because he did ‘nothing?’” Peter’s words echoed in the whole room, everyone falling silent. “ _ He  _ is the He from all those texts! He's the one that did all the shit! And he was talking about it like it was fucking nothing, in front of everyone, in front of MJ and Ned! I don't want them in my shit, just like how I don't want you guys in it, either!” 

 

With that, he sharply turned, ignoring Mantis as she yelled, “Peter, please,” storming away instead. 

 

_ ‘I shouldn't have done that.’ _

 

.

 

MJ was surprised to see Peter tumble into her room, looking panicked, like all his nerves were on fire, both physical and mental. 

 

“You can't be here,” she grumbled, “My Moms are going to  _ kill _ you!” 

 

“That's the least of my problems,” he murmured, “I fucked up and  _ bad _ .”

 

.

 

Peter gave a quick explanation, as quick as possible. He needed to explain after MJ had confirmed with her mothers that it was alright for her to let him stay, considering the frantic state they saw him in. 

 

“So, I dated Flash all of middle school and any possible way he could abuse me, he did. And a while back, he raped me again and I ended up getting an abortion, yeah, yeah, good times. I sort of told my dads a couple days ago, but I didn't tell them  _ who.  _ So they were bugging me about it and I ended up screaming about it at dinner in front of everyone, push the Guardians were over, so that was worse, so I ran.” 

 

Michelle stared for a moment, face blank, which was never a good sign. Not once had Peter happily welcomed a blank MJ to his day. And now was no exception. 

 

“Do you... Do you need a hug, Pete?” 

 

“No, too anxious, not good, no hugs, thank you, though.” 

 

She lightly nodded before her expression morphed into a mix of pure anger and one of contemplation. 

 

“So you're going to stay here until they come after you?” 

 

“Yes,” Peter said, determined. 

 

Michelle gave a light sigh. “Alright. I'll get you some clothes from my brother.” She stood and left, not waiting for a reply. 

 

.

 

Peter absentmindedly changed into the shorts and sweatshirt, stretching as he exited the bathroom, a tight sports bra covering his chest underneath. 

 

“When the hell did you do that,” MJ screeched, pointing at his leg. 

 

“What?” He looked down, realization setting in. “Oh! That's from the building that fell on me. I'm fine now, really. Don't worry, okay?” 

 

“You said you were fine at school, Peter! This isn't fine! Losing a fucking leg isn't fine!”

 

Peter could feel himself flinch at her raised voice, his arms going up to cover himself. “Please don't hit me,” he spoke quietly, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry. Please don't hit me?” 

 

She fell silent, her voice leaving her. 

 

“May I hug you,” she whispered after a moment. 

 

A nod left him, his body slowly being pulled into Michelle’s grip a moment later. 

 

.

 

Peter pressed a gentle kiss to Michelle's lips. 

 

“I'll see you soon, alright?” 

 

“Alright,” she spoke, “Text me when you get home, okay? Tell me what happens.” 

 

He nodded, kissing her once more before flipping out of his window, loosely swinging himself away, to his own home, instead of running away to Ned's like he typically did. 

 

.

 

Peter was greeted by Mantis, who was clicking her nails together anxiously, a rare occurrence for the girl. She was typically smiling and happy, like she had been when they were told they needed to fight Thanos. She had been jumping around on what seemed to be a trampoline, or the space equivalent of such. 

 

“Peter,” she greeted happily, jumping forward and running to him. “Are you alright?” 

 

He offered his hand out, silent as she took it. 

 

“Those are rather conflicting emotions.” 

 

Peter shrugged. “I'm handling them, though.” And for once, he meant it.

 

.

 

Peter was not expecting the response he got when he opened the elevator door, Mantis beside him, happily jabbering on about something Drax had done only hours ago. 

 

“Peter,” Bucky spoke sharply, earning a harsh flinch and Mantis to stop speaking. 

 

Peter turned, tense as ever. His voice didn't convey it though, thankfully. “Yeah?” 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

“Yes,” Peter said, relaxing, “I stayed with MJ.” 

 

“Alright. Tony wants to speak with you when you get the time.” 

 

He gave a light nod, pushing his way forward. 

 

“Wait, where is he?” 

 

“Training room,” he answered with a neutral look. 

 

.

 

Peter hadn't changed from the clothing given to him previously, and he honestly didn't plan on doing it anytime soon. So, he started his venture to the training room. Black Widow passed him, only passing forward with a gentle look of worry. 

 

He pressed forward, though, barefoot and careful. The walk only took him a couple minutes, which was longer than normal, due to the fact he kicked himself on accident and fell. Never one had Peter said he was graceful in a serious tone. 

 

Tony sat with Thor and Peter, the three laughing. The younger quietly walked up, timid. “You wanted me, Dad?” 

 

Tony smiled and nodded lightly. “Yeah! Come on!” He stood from his spot, motioning for his son to follow him. 

 

Silence ensued as they walked. Incredibly awkward silence. Incredibly awkward silence that Peter decided he needed to break. 

 

“You seem too happy for all this… this stuff that happened?” 

 

Tony nodded. “Have to be. Either that, or I'd go and punch the kid myself.” 

 

More silence. 

 

Silent aside from the quiet walking they provided. 

 

.

 

“Now, Peter, how many time did this happen,” Tony asked once they'd made it to his workshop. Peters face was drained of any color. 

 

“All through the time we dated? He was sort of verbally abusive the first two years, then it just…” he trailed off, words becoming quieter and quieter. “Then again a while back? A few months? I asked Bruce for the pill and…” 

 

Tony nodded. 

 

.

 

Peter sat in silence, his hands crossed. In front of him held the vault, Thanos glaring thoughtfully at the younger. 

 

“You're the so called Spider-Man?” He sneered. “You're too young to be a man.” 

 

Peter pulled the blade out, silently offering it as a visual peace treaty. “You said to keep this on me.” 

 

“Little one,” he spoke calmly. “You betrayed me.” 

 

“You were going to kill half the universe off… so many races would practically die off, Thanos. You can't just kill off billions and expect there not to be consequences. There would be wars and chaos and much more death. You can't just randomly kill off half and half.” 

 

Thanos raised a brow at that. 

 

“There'd be suicides as well. I don't think you've truly thought this out. It's a sacrifice that won't benefit anyone, in all retrospect. It will just make everything worse!” 

 

“You are correct,” he spoke slowly, words contemplated. 

 

“So there's only going to be about a third of the universe left. It wouldn't have worked out, anyways.” He ran a hand through his hair. 

 

.

 

_ {I'm supposed to write 4,500 words but I know I won't get that close within the next forty minutes, fucking yeet, bros.} _

 

.

 

Tony offered a light sigh as his son entered the commons. Peter lightly glared, tension still thick between the two. After hours of Peter explaining what had happened with Flash, it couldn't  _ not _ be uncomfortable. Things like that didn't just  _ not  _ happen, they can't suddenly  _ unhappen _ like everyone wished they could. It would be something everyone wished would, but trauma is trauma and would stay that way until the true end. 

 

Bucky looked at the two, brows furrowed. 

 

“Are you two alright?” 

 

Peter groaned. “Yes.” He took a spot at the counter. It silently hung in the air,  _ No. _

 

“You sure?” 

 

“Abso fuckin lutely, Bucky. Stop nagging.”

 

“I'm your father, it  _ is _ my place to nag,” he spoke, tone slightly stern. 

 

Peter flinched, his grumpy expression falling into one of regret, maybe sorrow. No one could tell at that point. Peters once happy exterior was so rotted at this point, the stress of everything finally rising in his throat, in his whole body. He always seemed too strict or too laid back. Now he was as tense as an army with a strict general. 

 

He whispered quietly, “I'm sorry.” 

 

.

 

Ned hugged Peter tightly, kissing his cheeks. 

 

“Hey, hey, it's alright. You can talk to them, I'm here for you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't as many words as I hoped, and I've given up on my streak of adding roughly 500 words each chapter. I'm also incredibly sorry it took so long, I've had terrible writings block focused around this story. 
> 
> .
> 
> Follow my Instagram dave.nder for updates!


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